I still think that I owe Berry something. I
haven’t given anything to him. Even I gave my book, he couldn’t
understand, because it's written in Bahasa Indonesia. I wanted to give a shirt for
him, I thought he would prefer for t-shirts. So, still have no idea what to give
him, until he left. I think I should write this in English, so Berry could also read and (hopefully) would like. I wrote this
not just for Berry, but also for us who may have that kind of belonging memory, also for my mind which could forget everything
just in two seconds. Writing for capturing. But, Lois Lowry told me this,
“The worst part of holding the memories is not
the pain. It's the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared.”
So, I've better not make this for my own.
"Mama, let's go home. We'll not get
anyone to stay with us."
Sometimes we couldn't as that fast giving up
something. Even it's seems dark and there's no way out. I've learnt. That could be
the most stupid thing I did.
Our family had sent an application to be a host
family for the PYs (Participant Youths) of 41st SSEAYP (Ship for Southeast Asian Youth Program) 2014 since few months ago. But
unfortunately, there's no any feed back from the commitee in Jakarta. Until the
hostmatching day came, we still had no idea with the news. But, mama
strongly asked me to accompany her to the host matching event. "We have to find out!" she said. Without any argument like usual,
I just nodded, and drived her without saying anything. When we came, and saw the
announcement, we just knew officially that there's no name of our family there,
in the list of the hostparent names.
So many regrets trapped in our hearts at that
time. The commitee gave mama advice to just queue in reserve list of
hostparents. She wrote her name for the PYs girls. We sat at the tribune, saw how
excited the foster parents ready to welcome their PYs down there. It's the
quietest moment of us. Several times we almost left the building. We gave up. “I
think it would be hard. We’re still 5th in the reserve list for girls.” But whenever we
passed the commitee desk, mama always going back and asked, “Is there any chance
for us?” Nobody could promise her. She convinced me to stay.
"Just wait. At least we still can see how the foster parents and their PYs
meet". We sat in the stairs of tribune, so we could see the PYs who just
came in. In my mind I thought, how lucky the other foster parents. Smile, greet,
even took selfie with their PYs. And we're really ready to go home. For years,
mama always take the chance to be foster parents for youth exchange program if they have homestay in Surabaya from foreign countries.
It always succeed throwing back her memories to the past, when she was one of the
participant of the Canadian World Youth Exchange Program.
At last, God opened the way. Several
fosterparents didn't come until the last minutes. The commitee called mama, and
offered her to be the changing foster parent. But she had to take boys PYs, not
girls. "It's okay!" she thankfully answered. She just made a little
sign to me, and directly got in to the hall. Those two boys for the first time, met
their foster parent in Surabaya.
When all the people got out, excited, I wondered
who will be our foster childrens. In aisle which was full of people, I tried to catch
where mama was. Then I saw her with -where’s your foster childrens? You've got
separated?- face. A moment after that, mama got out from the line and smiled,
“This is my daughter.”
It’s the first time I saw those two guys, the
tall guy with very straight face but very kind, also the guy who looks
very relaxe, little bit a perfunctory in my first impression.
I wondered what they are like? They aren't like George and Lennie in John Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men, or Franz Wisner and Kurt Wisner in 'Honeymoon with My Brother', or Lawrence and Lorne Blair who did Ring of Fire journey, even the little prince and the pilot in Exupery's Le Pettit Prince. They just not like them. They just like Elvin and Berry. The wise man and the fun guy. Due to the rules of the SSYEAP commitee that host children picked randomly, they just knew each other in Surabaya, even they're in the same deck on board.
I wondered what they are like? They aren't like George and Lennie in John Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men, or Franz Wisner and Kurt Wisner in 'Honeymoon with My Brother', or Lawrence and Lorne Blair who did Ring of Fire journey, even the little prince and the pilot in Exupery's Le Pettit Prince. They just not like them. They just like Elvin and Berry. The wise man and the fun guy. Due to the rules of the SSYEAP commitee that host children picked randomly, they just knew each other in Surabaya, even they're in the same deck on board.
Elvin just like my old brother. He's very mature,
firm, sincere, approachable, a-leader-born-to-be, full of emphaty, calm, warm, decisive, belongs to his sensitivity, sometimes he could read what the other pepole think. When we just knew that
boarding passes to get into the ship are not enough for the whole family, i just
wanted to say to him "Maybe I have to give my boarding pass to my
cousin." But he said first before I told what was in my mind. "Bila, you
have to come to the ship." And he got another three boarding passes in the last minutes. Elvin also gave me so many advices. We did discussion, sharing about many things. Historical places, book publishing, history, foods, everything. We have the same
birth year, the same month. Yet, I just feel like many steps behind along with
his maturity. I think he would be still alive even we throw him to the middle of nowhere. :D
By his special interest to history of colonial era, he got worry at Museum Tugu Pahlawan, "What if the PYs from Japan and their foster parents saw the history of Indonesian dark time? That could be not so comfortable for them." I just said to him, it's a history, it's a fact, we always can learn from history. He nodded, and said, yeah, it happened in the past. Besides his maturity, he is always thinking about other people. Elvin is gentle too. He almost never made us to walk behind. He always pleased the way to us first politely.
By his special interest to history of colonial era, he got worry at Museum Tugu Pahlawan, "What if the PYs from Japan and their foster parents saw the history of Indonesian dark time? That could be not so comfortable for them." I just said to him, it's a history, it's a fact, we always can learn from history. He nodded, and said, yeah, it happened in the past. Besides his maturity, he is always thinking about other people. Elvin is gentle too. He almost never made us to walk behind. He always pleased the way to us first politely.
Berry, our little brother, is always lovely for us. We're always
touched when he called "Mama" to my mom. When he asked help to pick
the good stuff for souvenirs. When I just pushed him to buy a Batik for him
self. We're suprising to know that he's the college student with two different majors in
the same time. Nevertheless, he just could vigorously took his monopod and ask for selfie in the middle of the crowd. Surprisingly, Berry is a care guy too. When we just did shopping, the shopping master got worry about Fira who looks tired.
"Fira, are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm okay." said Fira
"Sounds you're not."
In the other time, he's impressing too. When we had to go to wedding, Elvin didn't bring any of formal clothes. Berry just did heroic statement. If Elvin didn't wear any formal clothes, he would do the same thing. So, we made those two guys wear t-shirts for Javanese wedding reception. We just passed some college students who asked for charity at Car Free Day. Berry stopped and asked me, "Do they accept US dollars?" What a generous man. So, there he goes, put dollars on charity box.
Berry is like a perfect object for fun joke. By his fast and steps for shopping, he always leading us where to go.
"Fira, are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm okay." said Fira
"Sounds you're not."
In the other time, he's impressing too. When we had to go to wedding, Elvin didn't bring any of formal clothes. Berry just did heroic statement. If Elvin didn't wear any formal clothes, he would do the same thing. So, we made those two guys wear t-shirts for Javanese wedding reception. We just passed some college students who asked for charity at Car Free Day. Berry stopped and asked me, "Do they accept US dollars?" What a generous man. So, there he goes, put dollars on charity box.
Berry is like a perfect object for fun joke. By his fast and steps for shopping, he always leading us where to go.
“Where to go?”
“You’re the leader. We will follow you!”
I still remember, how funny Berry when he
directly went upstairs at the mall by escalator when we were still downstairs. He
even didn’t realize that we three of us did not follow him. Then I said, “Berry, where
are you going?” he just looked behind, realized, and surprised. “Okay, bye
Berry!” we waved and acted like would leave him. Then he turned like hamster that
was running backward the escalator. One of the funniest things that I could not forget. Those two guys were looking for barber shop. They had not cut their hair during the program. So, we added barber shop to our itinerary. We brought them to our grandma's barbershop. When we came, Elvin's hair directly cut by the capster. Then.. Berry was busy to browse the hair style and began worried.
"Could the capster do like this picture?" he asked.
"Aah, don't worry Berry. I'll cut your hair. It's very easy!" of course, I don't have any skill for that.
He's got more worried. He showed several shakeheads and laughed. Then when he finished with the capster, I asked "Is it similar with the style that you want?" He smiled. "Similar." "Err..a bit."
"I told you, if I cut your hair, it would be very similar." We laughed.
"Could the capster do like this picture?" he asked.
"Aah, don't worry Berry. I'll cut your hair. It's very easy!" of course, I don't have any skill for that.
He's got more worried. He showed several shakeheads and laughed. Then when he finished with the capster, I asked "Is it similar with the style that you want?" He smiled. "Similar." "Err..a bit."
"I told you, if I cut your hair, it would be very similar." We laughed.
By the route of shopping master, we could pass the same spot for several times. It’s my very first time to look for M size of men shorts. No. It’s just not me. All of us. Elvin, Fira and me. We’re all looking M size shorts. I also had to fit like a dozen t-shirts to Berry. Became a secretary of Berry, I did it too. I had to note all of his spend, reminded him that he just passed a nominal of rupiahs, and also transfer it to US dollar by the currency. That’s memorable. Also interesting, indeed.
Berry style is always like casual or something. Blur printed t-shirts, another t-shirts, another t-shirts. You mentioned it. So, it's very hard to ask him to buy Batik for him self. Though, he's really good on Bali Batik, when he fitted Batik shirt for his father. He didn't want to take one Batik for himself, even I'd repeated many times "Berry, please buy Batik for your self." Finally he confessed "I don't know where to use it."
Sometimes God fulfilled our wish in a very strange way. Years ago, I was joking by saying that uuh, I think that it would be great if I could have a brother. Then, he gave me two in the same time.
There's no part of the world that too far to go. We'll look forward to new destination, Cambodia to visit Berry. Or even ready to welcome Elvin for another trip here in East Java. Let's!
I just wondering how dramatic the farewell ceremony was. And I should know who's the creator of that moment. How it feels to be someone that always making hundred, even thousands people crying for the same emotional moment since 1970? Sounds too dramatic? Hey, this world is a big screen of drama, right? :)
When the PYs had to find their host family from the ship, when they threw the ribbons to catch by us, when they presented Brigthman's voice with Time to Say Goodbye and when To Be One played, when we just never feeling tired to wave our hands, when the alumni sang and said goodbye, when finally the ribbon cut by the separated between the ship and the harbour, when we were still trying to looked at each other faces until the ship got far away. We just knew that God gave us so many magical things in our hearts. Feelings about to have each other even with the differences, even without any siblings line, even it happened in very short time.
We sincerely could call each other as brother, sister, children, even mommy. Family. We made a promise that it won't be the last meeting, we promised another hands, hugs and cheer up, we'll very looking forward when the next meeting will happen, we start to talk about our memories with the PYs everyday until we are getting bored with the same words and keep it in our hearts. It's not only about how soon we'll see each other, but how long our memory could against mortality.
Everything could be fade away or even lost at all. But somebody's said, we live because we have memories. And stories...
When the PYs had to find their host family from the ship, when they threw the ribbons to catch by us, when they presented Brigthman's voice with Time to Say Goodbye and when To Be One played, when we just never feeling tired to wave our hands, when the alumni sang and said goodbye, when finally the ribbon cut by the separated between the ship and the harbour, when we were still trying to looked at each other faces until the ship got far away. We just knew that God gave us so many magical things in our hearts. Feelings about to have each other even with the differences, even without any siblings line, even it happened in very short time.
We sincerely could call each other as brother, sister, children, even mommy. Family. We made a promise that it won't be the last meeting, we promised another hands, hugs and cheer up, we'll very looking forward when the next meeting will happen, we start to talk about our memories with the PYs everyday until we are getting bored with the same words and keep it in our hearts. It's not only about how soon we'll see each other, but how long our memory could against mortality.
Everything could be fade away or even lost at all. But somebody's said, we live because we have memories. And stories...